FAQs
What inspired you to write this book?
I wrote this book because silence almost killed me. For years, I carried the weight of my military sexual trauma, my failed marriages, my mental health struggles, and my financial failures in private. The isolation was suffocating. I wanted other survivors to know they are not alone. I wanted to create the book I needed when I was sitting in my closet with a gun in my hand. If my story saves one life, the vulnerability was worth it.
Is this book appropriate for all readers?
This memoir contains explicit descriptions of sexual assault, suicidal ideation, and mental health crises. It is written for adult readers. If you are triggered by discussions of trauma, proceed with caution. That said, many readers have told me that the honesty helped them process their own experiences. Use your judgment about whether this is the right book for you at this time.
How did writing this book affect you?
Writing this book forced me to relive some of the worst moments of my life. There were days I questioned whether I could finish it. But the process also helped me understand patterns I had not seen before. The Discovery sections at the end of each chapter came from me asking myself hard questions about why things happened the way they did. Writing gave me perspective I did not have when I was living through the chaos.
What do you hope readers take away from this book?
I hope readers understand that healing is not about erasing the past. It is about learning to carry it without letting it define you. I hope they see that asking for help is not weakness. I hope they recognize that survival looks different for everyone, and there is no timeline for getting better. Most of all, I hope they know that even on the days when living feels impossible, choosing to stay is an act of courage.
Are you still in therapy?
Yes. Therapy is not something you graduate from when you are dealing with PTSD. It is an ongoing practice. I have had good therapists and terrible therapists. I have had sessions that changed my life and sessions that felt like a waste of time. The key is finding someone who understands trauma and who does not try to rush your healing. I am still figuring out what works for me, and I am okay with that.
What advice do you have for survivors of MST?
Report it if you feel safe doing so, but know that the system often fails survivors. Document everything. Find a therapist who specializes in trauma. Connect with other survivors. Do not let anyone shame you for how you cope. Your healing is not a performance for others. It is yours. And if you are not ready to talk about it, that is okay too. There is no right way to survive.
How can readers support your work?
Leave a review on Amazon. Share this book with someone who needs it. Talk openly about mental health and the realities of military sexual trauma. Support organizations that help veterans. And if you are struggling, reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 988. The Veterans Crisis Line is also 988, then press 1. You do not have to fight alone.
Will there be a second book?
I am considering it. There is more to the story, and I am still processing what happened after the events in this book. But I also want to make sure I am writing from a place of healing, not from a place of pain. If I write another book, it will be because I have something new to say, not because I am repeating what I have already said.